It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
