I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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