Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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