1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
