The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
