I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
