You can't motorboat a personality
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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