Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
