....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize