We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
