I faked an abortion last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
