I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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