you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
