If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I will be naked everywhere
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
God, I missed his penis.
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