I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
