doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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