And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
