Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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