your thong is hanging out like whoa
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
