just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
