Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
