trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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