"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
