Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
