Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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