wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
