your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
