i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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