Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
