i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
