It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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