I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
