tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
