Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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