My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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