this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
