it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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