just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Drake has all the answers
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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