so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
