WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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