no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Quick, to the slutcave!
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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