Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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