so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
