About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize