I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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