He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
