Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
