Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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