Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
