I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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