He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
