I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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