meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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