just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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