doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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