just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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