dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
