I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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