if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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