Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
