Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
