glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
