Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sorry about my life...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
