Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
