Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
