there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
