My nipple is on Facebook.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Text me some of your sweat
I'm really busy with my period
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