watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
