sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
