I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
