i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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