He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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